Relationships, it all starts with you.

In previous blog posts I have spoken about self-trust and obtaining balance in your life in regards to work, health and social commitments. What I haven’t gone into detail on though, is the influence our closest relationships have on our wellbeing. After the past few months of lockdowns and upheaval in both my work and personal life, I can now clearly see the effect relationships have on my wellbeing.

Knowing what relationships are healthy for us starts first with the relationship you have with yourself.

When we know what really drives us and makes us happy, we can lead with light, love and conviction. A true part of that is finding your own essence. Once you know this, you can share this unapologetically with the world. In understanding your true essence, you increase self-awareness, your perspective changes, and your approach to and interaction with others in the world is more positive.

This starts with family first. Your connection with your parents, children, partner, siblings and extended family. Self-love and living with your essence at the forefront of your life impacts how you interact with those around you, how you react to individuals and the choices you make that allow you to build upon your relationships.

When I was going through a period of self-discovery, identifying my purpose and joy in life, I didn’t realise how this would affect my closest relationships. During this time I took strength from certain relationships and asked for some space with others. The biggest learning curve in identifying healthy relationships for me, was learning to stop and notice the small things that most of may otherwise miss; intennotation, tone and non-verbal cues from others, which would sometimes tell me the opposite to their words. I started seeing how people were reacting to me in social situations and was able to reflect on the value I bring to another’s life and vice versa. Through this awareness, I am now more intentiful in my giving of self, i am more purposeful in my interactions and I closely monitor how my actions can impact others. It’s not that I ever intend to change who I am around others, It’s about becoming aware of moments, social cues and who supports me to be my best self - not just for me but for those around me.

This then has a flow on affect to my other relationships, both in friendships and dating. I am a big believer in finding ‘your people’. The ones that have your back no matter what, that will sanity check your crazy ideas and be there whenever you need help, without question. It can take years to truly find the people that bring out the best in you. I also believe that it takes a great deal of emotional intelligence to do so.

So do you manage or cultivate healthy relationships? What if you have relationships that take from you more than they give?

Truthfully, it's different for everyone. The right people can come into your life suddenly and they stay forever, or they may be there for a season or a unique reason. Each relationship teaches you valuable things about yourself and the world around you. It brings awareness to what is next in your life path. My experience with finding those I'm closest to over the years has honestly been through trial and error, learning to trust my intuition and finding out who and what makes me the best possible version of myself. Most importantly, it’s been about my self-worth and not settling for anything less than I deserve.

In both dating and friendships there is a honeymoon period. Individuals can appear to be everything you need and want them to be but as time passes, their guard is let down and their true colours come out. Allowing you to grow apart. People do change and evolve over time, meaning a once healthy relationship/friendship can no longer be good for you. It can be heartbreaking to watch friends and partners walk away, but learning from the experience is what will make you better off in the next relationship. This is a valuable lesson in self growth and self love.

Relationships are hard, be that in friendships, with family members or in partnerships. Being able to be completely yourself with someone and both asserting independence at the same time is incredibly empowering.

So I implore you if you’re still looking for your people, focus on you first. Make sure that you are practicing self-growth and take notice of who you feel most comfortable with and supported by. I guarantee you, what you are looking for in others, you should always be able to find inside of you. If you focus on your true essence and self love, you will be so grateful that you didn’t settle for friendships or relationships that didn’t truly serve the best version of you. What’s meant to be will be.

Relationships and connections are more important than ever, with ourselves and the people we choose to spend our time with. So be kind, share love, ask for help when needed and know that you are never alone - everything you need starts from within.